She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
