If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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