I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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