and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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