quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
no you cant smoke seaweed
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
