eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
