I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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