I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
