Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
