You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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