sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
