I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
