Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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