I am spending my child support on dildos
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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