The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
