It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
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Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
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I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.