Soap is not a condiment
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."