I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Dating After Heartbreak
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.