Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean