Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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