i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
