Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
