doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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