I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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