I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
