so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Randomize
