I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
