He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
