He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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