We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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