At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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