you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
