i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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