dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
