So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
