i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
