Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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