a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
