i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
