I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
