Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You were trust falling into bushes
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
