No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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