You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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