u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
