How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
