I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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