The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
