my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
