So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
