i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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