Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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