just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
