I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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