roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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