Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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