There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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