Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize