I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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