He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
