I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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