your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
