talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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