Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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