hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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