I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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