saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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