o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
we made out on top of his cat.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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