so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
