so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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