I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
