I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
